1. You refer to going to the bathroom as "downloading".
2. Your bookmark file takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
3. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in them.
4. Your daydreaming is resumed to getting a faster Internet connection: DSL, T1, T3...
5. You turn off your modem with an awful empty feeling... like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
6. You start introducing yourself as "Jim B at WhyNet dot com".
7. You begin every conversation with "I have read on the net that...".
8. You replace your answering machine outgoing message with "Please leave your e-mail, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible".
9. Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new www site address in print or on TV.
10. You step out of your room, realize your parents have moved out and you do not have a clue when that happened.
11. You turn on the intercom whenever leaving your room so you can hear when you get new e-mail.
12. All your friends have an "@" in their names.
13. When looking at a page full of someone else's links they are already all highlighted in purple.
14. Your dog has its own web site (and so does your 3 months old baby).
15. You cannot call your mother... she does not have a modem.
16. You check your e-mail. It says "No new messages". So you check it again... and again...
17. Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
18. You code your work assignment in HTML and give your boss the URL.
19. You don't know the sex of your three best friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you've never asked.
20. You remember all your Internet passwords but not your wife's birthday.
21. You name your pets using initials and acronyms.
22. You wake up at 3 AM to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
23. You tell your kids they can't use the computer because "daddy's got work to do" but you don't even have a job.
24. You have more toys than all your kids put together.
25. You buy a "Captain Kirk" chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
26. You get a body tattoo that says "This body best viewed with NetScape 2.02 or higher".
27. You never have to deal with busy signals when calling you ISP because you never log off.
28. You ask the plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet seat.
29. You need three fans just to cool your phone line.
30. You list all your ISP/ICQ user IDs as nicknames on your resume.
31. You send an AOL trial membership as birthday gift to your friend who just moved out of state.
32. You look for a "Shut down" screen menu to turn off your TV.
33. You pick up the phone to talk to your mom and all you hear is static-like, crackling sounds.
34. You got a second phone line and then you tell your friends to call your "voice mail" number.
35. You call AOL's 800 number to ask for another promo floppy and use it to backup your "vital downloads".
36. You order your pizza at www.pizzahut.com.
37. You program your computer to call your pager when new e-mail arrives.
38. You log on to www.grolier.com to read the definition of every new term.
39. You order "computer-specific" eyeglasses.
40. You haven't found a tech support representative who can answer any of your questions.
41. Your IQ number is larger than your weight.
42. Your wristwatch has more buttons than your telephone.
43. You keep asking yourself why they never let you choose the music at dancing parties.
44. You try to pick up a girl at the bar by asking for her e-mail address.
45. Your pickup line ends with "can we meet again... online?"
46. The last girl you picked up was a JPEG.
47. You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
48. You are convinced web surfing is better than sex.
49. You buy your fiancee's engagement ring online.
50. You have "met" your wife online.
51. Your wife (for the 99th time): "Are you coming to bed tonight?"
You: "Just a minute honey, I gotta finish downloading this last file."
52. Your wife draped a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
53. Your wife has to send you e-mail to call you to dinner.
54. You never miss an online chat appointment.
55. You keep a busy schedule:
- 1:00pm = check e-mail
- 2:00pm = business meeting downtown
- 3:00pm = check e-mail
- 4:00pm = call mom
- 5:00pm = check e-mail
- 6:00pm = pick up Jimmy Junior from karate school
- 7:00pm = check e-mail
- 8:00pm = get the groceries
- 9:00pm = check e-mail...
56. Your motto is "If you can't find it on the net it doesn't exist!"
57. Your favorite t-shirt says "Once a Netizen, 4 ever a Netizen!"
58. Your favorite cigarettes are Koolnet.
59. Your favorite morning paper section is "Computing Ads".
60. Your favorite TV show is "Internet News".
61. Your favorite movie is "The Net".
62. Your favorite restaurant is the closest cyber cafe.
63. Your favorite expression is BTW (By The Way).
64. Your favorite famous person is Bill Gates.
65. Your favorite cartoon character is "Jimmy The Nerd".
66. Your favorite magazine is "Net Surfer".
67. Webopaedia is your bible.
68. You created a new home page to tell the world that "I'm a computing professional and hold a junior position at the University of North Pole, the computing research department".
69. You hate Microsoft.
70. You are a Netscape fan.
71. Your computer keeps crashing... and crashing... but you still insist on testing every new beta software ever written.
72. You consider that the "Blue Screen Of Death (BSOD)" is the worst tragedy human kind ever experienced.
73. You finally figured out the ultimate in courtesy greeting: the "three-finger-salute" (Ctrl-Alt-Del).
74. Online privacy is your main concern.
75. You send flaming e-mail to everybody who "tortures" your favorite cartoon character at their web site.
76. The hair on your back stands up whenever you hear "This new technology will boost Internet speed".
77. You consider that someone who doesn't have an ICQ ID number is not a normal person.
78. Your monitor is covered with zillion handy sticky notes with all your online passwords.
79. You keep having this weird dream that you are strapped on to your toilet seat, eat and drink through a permanent intravenous catheter, and surf the net, all at the same time.
80. You donate all your underwear to the Goodwill 'cause you need the drawers for storing disks of downloaded files.
81. You gotta have that new computer based in-house alarm system you've seen advertised on the net.
82. Your living room main spot is taken by your computer "corner".
83. You use your computer to update your monthly checkbook and credit cards balance.
84. You do your taxes online.
85. You do all your research on the Internet.
86. You ask your cable company to send you the online version of the TV schedule.
87. You look for a phonebook with an e-mail address dedicated column.
88. You have replaced Microsoft Notepad with Netscape Navigator.
89. You think that everybody who doesn't know the meaning of RAM, CPU or BIOS is an ignorant.
90. You really hate people with the lastest computer hardware.
91. You paid more for your laptop than for your car.
92. You figured out the cheapest way to shop: ordering from the Internet.
93. You send your new home site URL to all your friends and family and ask them to make it their browser default home page.
94. You were part of the first line at your local computer store to get Windows 98 the day it was released.
95. You hate web sites that don't have a "talk-back button".
96. The coolest thing you've ever seen is a Java applet.
97. You're still on the look for the coolest animated GIF to plaster all over your home page.
98. You can't sleep until your home page gets the "Cool Web Site of The Week" award.
99. You are the newly elected president of the "Web Designers' Club".
100. You are a senior member of every "Virtual Society".
101. You have to subscribe to every new "Internet Comunity".
102. You reserve more free web space for your "expanding" home site.
103. Your coffee mug reads "You're looking at a net work-o-holic, baby".
104. You stop buying the newspaper and start reading the news at www.cnn.com.
105. You never miss your favorite web browser latest upgrade release.
106. You praise "Stay Connected" as the best software ever written.
107. You see yourself as an experienced computer/Internet user.
108. All your friends and neighbors consider you the "resident computer expert".
109. You send your home site URL to all popular web search engines once a month.
110. Whenever you see an "Under construction" sign you think of a lousy web site.
111. You wake up every morning wondering if you replied to all your e-mail before you went to bed.
112. You keep a flashlite next to your computer so you can check your e-mail/surf in the middle of the nite without turning on the lites.
113. You actually surf all 740,173 hits Yahoo returns in response to your search.
114. You spend all afternoon reading the Cache 'cause your ISP is down.
115. You download MP3s of songs you always hated.
116. You are talking on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to, all the same time.
117. You always think of checking your e-mail during TV commercials.
118. You can never watch an entire TV show without having your computer scream "You've got mail!".
119. You catch yourself saying LOL, BRB, OMG...
120. Your CC: list is longer than the actual content of your e-mail message.
121. You're getting hungry... but "Wait... [you think] this pizza is only three days old... I won't have to leave my computer yet!"
122. You always ask for the closest seat to a phone line jack when you book a plane ticket.
123. When asked what you did for fun on your Tahiti cruise, you answer "Checking e-mail on my new laptop, hooked up to their cool satellite dish".
124. You think your ergonomically designed computer chair is the most vital piece of furniture in your house.
125. When your modem breaks, you dial your ISP and start negotiating with their modem, making weird noises using your voice.
126. You start refering to open heart surgery as "patching".
127. You visit the grocery store to overclock the cash registers.
128. You brag about your new computer to all your friends calling it "my new baby".
129. You start confusing cyber-space with outer-space.
130. The line between your real life and your cyber life becomes blurrier and blurrier.
131. You start talking to your computer as you would to your favorite pet.
132. You are proud when people call you a "computer geek".
133. You have read this entire page and you think it's funnier than David Letterman's "Top Ten Signs You're Spending Too Much Time on AOL"...
134. You keep repeating to yourself "I am NOT an internet addict, I am NOT an internet addict..."
135. You KNOW you ARE an internet addict when... you send your own "funny lines" to axcel216@aol.com. :-))