We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
* Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it
down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving
it down.
* Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not a
contest
to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
* Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with
it.
* Sunday equals sports. It's like the full moon or
the changing of the tides. Let it be.
* Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons
guys fear getting married is that married women always
cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
* Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going
to think of it that way.
* Crying is blackmail.
* Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
* We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently
beforehand.
* Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
* Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.
* A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See
a doctor.
* Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.
* If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
* If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us. We refuse to answer.
* If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.
* Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's
genetic.
* You can either ask us to do something or tell us how
you want it done. Not both. If you already know best
how to do it, just do it yourself.
* Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during commercials.
* Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
neither do we.
* All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve
is.
* If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
* We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our
lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how
little we care about you.
* If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
* If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
* When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine. Really.
* Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as belly button
fluff, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
* You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
* BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
* I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
* Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to
sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we
really don't mind that, it's like camping.