The Hidden Brain Damage Scale

1. People tell me one thing one day and out the other.
2. I can't unclasp my hands.
3. I can wear my shirts as pants.
4. I feel as much like I did yesterday as I do today.
5. I always lick the fronts of postage stamps.
6. I often mistake my hands for food.
7. I'd rather eat soap than little stones.
8. I never liked room temperature.
9. I line my pockets with hot cheese.
10. My throat is closer than it seems.
11. I can smell my nose hairs.
12. I'm being followed by a pair of boxer shorts.
13. Most things are better eaten than forgotten.
14. Likes and dislikes are among my favorites.
15. Pudding without raisins is no pudding at all.
16. My patio is covered with a killer frost.
17. I've lost all sensation in my shirt.
18. I try to swallow at least three times a day.
19. My best friend is a social worker.
20. I've always known when to close my eyes.
21. My squirrels don't know where I am tonight.
22. Little can be said for Luxembourg.
23. No napkin is sanitary enough for me.
24. I walk this way because I have to.
25. Walls impede my progress.
26. I can't find all my marmots.
27. There's only one thing for me.
28. My uncle is as stupid as paste.
29. I can pet animals by the mouthful.
30. My toes are numbered.
31. Man's reach should exceed his overbite.
32. People tell me when I'm deaf.
33. My beaver won't go near the water.
34. I can find my ears, but I have to look.
35. I'd rather go to work than sit outside.
36. Armenians are comical in full battle dress.
37. I don't like any of my loved ones.
38. I try to get out of bed at least once a day.
39. I have tried to bonsai my dog.
40. When I dance, I have two left thumbs.
41. My plants don't trust me any more.
42. I'm still searching for the perfect pencil.
43. More people know about me than I do.
44. I get sleepy just staying awake.
45. The air is my best friend.
46. My cup does its job TOO WELL.
47. The sight of a fluorescent light makes me nervous.
48. I sent away for the booklet, "How To Become Literate."
49. I couldn't care less about apathy.
50. My hair is conspiring against me.
51. I am on a strict diet of non-biodegradable food.
52. I have more feet than my shoes.

Date: Mon, 12 May 1997 14:45:26 -0700
From: Dan Wegner
Subject: Hidden Brain Damage Scale

Hi there. I'm the coauthor (with R. Vallacher and C. Gilbert) of the first 37 items of the Hidden Brain Damage Scale, and it is copyrighted (by the American Psychological Association, 1979 in the American Psychologist). Please mention that on your web page.

Daniel M. Wegner
Home Page: http://wsrv.clas.Virginia.EDU/~dmw2m/