The Year's Worst Country Song Titles
[I'm not sure which year]
- If You Don't Believe I Love You Just Ask My Wife
- Timber, I'm Falling in Love
- You're the First Time I Thought About Leaving
- Love Will Beat Your Brains Out
- You Can Tell the Man Who Boozes (By the Company He Chooses)
- I Think I'll Drink Myself Into the Past
- I Got Tears in My Eyes From Lying on My Back Crying on My Pillow Over You
- Sleeping Single in a Double Bed
- The Pint of No Return
- Your Negligee Has Turned to Flannel Nightgowns
- Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart
- It Ain't Love but It Ain't Bad
- Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone
- I'd Rather have a Bottle in Front of Me Than a Frontal Lobotomy
- Don't Let That Doorknob Hit You (on the Way Out)
- You're Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
- This Time I'm Gonna Beat You to the Truck
- You Blacked My Blue Eyes Once Too Often
- Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking In
- I Forgot How Bad My Good Woman Could Be
- You Done Stomped on My Heart (and Smashed That Sucker Flat)
- Let Me Love the Leavin' from Your Mind
- Somebody Shoot Out the Jukebox
- My Legs Won't Walk Away From You
- What's a Fool Like Me Doing In a Love Like This
- I've Been Roped and Throwed by Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral
- If You Can Live With It (I Can Live Without It)
- She Got the Gold Mine (I Got the Shaft)
- Hell Stays Open All Night
- I'd Be Better Off in a Pine Box
- I've Got You on My Conscience But At Least You're Off My Back
- Bridge Washed Out, I Can't Swim and My Baby's on the Other Side
- The Worst You Ever Gave Me Was the Best I Ever Had
- If the Phone Doesn't Ring It's Me
- I've Got a Funny Feeling (I Won't Be Feeling Funny Very Long)
- Does My Ring Hurt Your Finger (When You Go Out at Night)
- How Can a Whiskey Six Years Old Whip a Man That's 32?
- I Knew I'd Lean (But I Never Thought I'd Fall)
- She Even Woke Me Up to Say Goodbye
- We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips But Now It's All Over
- You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
- If You Keep Checking Up on Me (I'm Checking Out on You)
- It Don't Hurt Half as Bad as Holding You Feels Good
- I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
- I'm Gettin' Gray From Being Blue
- I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
- Heaven's Just A Sin Away
- She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
- If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
- I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
- She Feels Like A New Man Tonight
- Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
- The Last Word In Lonesome Is "me"
- When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town)
- You Stuck My Heart In a Old Tin Can and Shot It Off a Log
- He's Been Drunk Since His Wife's Gone Punk
- I Bought the Boots That Just Walked Out On Me
- Ever Since I Said "I Do," There's a Lot of Things You Don't
- The Next Time You Throw That Fryin' Pan, My Face Ain't Gonna Be There
- If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I'd Cry All Night Long
- I Don't Know Whether to Come Home or Go Crazy
- You're a Cross I Can't Bear
- It Don't Feel Like Sinnin' to Me
- You Hurt the Love Right Out of Me
- Mama Get the Hammer (There's A Fly on Papa's Head)
- If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There)
- I've Got the Hungries for Your Love and I'm Waiting in Your Welfare Line
- My Shoes Keep Walkin' Back to You
- How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away?
- Why do You Believe Me when I Tell You that I Love You when You Know I've
Been a Liar All My Life?
I've seen two different attributions for this. Take your pick:
By Mike Harden, Scripps Howard News Service; or
Found in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Also, the last three
were provided by lsocea@ascolta.com.
Take a look at my humor archive.