How to Tell Republicans from Democrats:

• Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.
• Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabagas produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out.
• Republicans usually wear hats and always clean their paint brushes.
• Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear theirs.
• Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on the bugs.
• Democrats name their children after currently-popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers. Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, according to where the money is.
• Democrats keep trying to cut down on smoking but are not successful. Neither are Republicans.
• Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't.
• Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage.
• Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows by Democrats.
• Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids, and taxes.
• Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall.
• Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they're entitled to a little fun first.
• Democrats make plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.
• Republicans sleep in twin beds - some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats.